MOTHER'S DAY FUN
A couple who have been married for 20 years is preparing for bed when the following conversation takes place...
She: "Honey, if I die before you, would you remarry?"
He: "That's a morbid question!"
She: "No, I really want to know."
He (pauses to think): "Yes, I suppose after a decent amount of time I might remarry."
She: "Would she live in our house?"
He: "Well, the mortgage is almost paid off would you really expect me to move?"
She: "Would she wear my mink coat?"
He: "You know I paid $3,500 for that coat would you really want me to sell it for a loss?"
She: "Well, would she drive my BMW?"
He: "No. Absolutely not. She doesn't know how to drive a stick shift!"
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GOODBYE MOTHER
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who I haven't seen in a long time."
"That's a shame," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes," she said, "as I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!' It would make me feel so much better."
"Sure," answered the young man. As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Good bye, Mother!" As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"
"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.
"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who I haven't seen in a long time."
"That's a shame," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes," she said, "as I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!' It would make me feel so much better."
"Sure," answered the young man. As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Good bye, Mother!" As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"
"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.
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YOU KNOW YOU’VE TURNED INTO A MOM WHEN
You find yourself humming the Barney song as you do the dishes.
You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth. However, your children are at school!
You actually start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.
You weep through the scene in Dumbo when his mom is taken away, not to mention what Bambi does to you.
You get soooo into crafts you contemplate writing a book called 101 Fun Crafts to do with Dryer Lint and Eggshells.
You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, "Mom, why don't you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?"
You are out for a nice romantic meal with your husband, enjoying some real adult conversation, when suddenly you realize that you've reached over and started to cut up his steak!
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THINGS MOM WOULD NEVER SAY
"How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"
"Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too"
"Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery"
"Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week"
"Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day"
"Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough for me."
"The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here."
"I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve"
"Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve"
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MOTHER’S DAY ONE-LINERS
Personally, I think today's kids ought to do something really special for their Mothers on Mother's Day -- like move out !
Hey guys -- looking for a great gift for your Mother-in-Law on Mother's Day ? Why not send her back her daughter ?
A single Mom was asked by a friend what her son was taking in college. With a sigh she replied, "Everything I have."
Fathers -- take heart, your day is coming, and you can be sure of getting at least one thing -- the bills from Mother's Day.
Most Mothers are always amazed when their sons/daughters marry a person with much lower mental capacity, ambition and moral standards, yet still manage to have utterly brilliant children.
Mothers come in all shapes and sizes. For example, an Italian Mother might chastise her offspring for not eating by saying, "Eat your dinner, or I'll kill you." A Jewish Mother on the other hand would say, "Eat your dinner, or I'll kill myself."
A daughter broke-up with her boyfriend. She asked her Mother's advice about returning the gifts he'd given her. Without a pause, her Mother replied, "Send back the stuffed animals and letters, but keep the jewelry for sentimental reasons."
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THE STAGES OF MOTHERHOOD
4 Years Of Age - My Mommy can do anything;
8 Years Of Age - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot
12 Years Of Age -My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.
14 Years Of Age -Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either
16 Years Of Age -Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned
18 Years Of Age -That old woman? She's way out of date
25 Years Of Age -Well, she might know a little bit about it
35 Years Of Age -Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion
45 Years Of Age -Wonder what Mom would have thought about it
65 Years Of Age -Wish, I could talk it over with Mom
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MOTHER-IN-LAW JOKES
Goodbye Mom
A couple was going out for the evening. The last thing they did was to put the cat out. The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of the house, the cat shoots back in. So the husband goes back inside to chase it out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explained to the taxi driver "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother." A few minutes later, the husband got into the taxi and said, "Sorry I took so long, the stupid thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"Help Her
A man tries to throw a lady from the window. She opposed.The crowd shouts: Stop it, man! The lady is alive.
The guy: This is not a lady, this is my mother-in-law.
The crowd shouts: Look, she even resists.
Save your Crocodiles
A man: "Your mother-in-law fell into my pond which has some crocodiles into".
The other man - "The crocodiles are yours, so you'll have to save them".
Poor Dog
A man: My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday.Other Man: How is she now ?
First Man: She's fine. But, the dog died.
Big Game
A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in- law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the lady awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.The hunter picked up his rifle and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight. The mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her. The wife cried, "What are we going to do?" "Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."
Three Wishes
A man who hated his mother-in-law got three wishes from a genie.Genie: "Whatever you wish for, your mother-in-law gets double."
First wish: "I would like one billion dollars."
Genie: "OK but mom gets two billion."
Second wish: "I would like an island off the coast of
Genie: "OK but mom gets two islands."
Third wish: " I would like you to beat me half to death."
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HILARIOUS WORDS OF MOTHERLY WISDOM
PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER
"I don't care where you think you have to go, young man.
Midnight is past your curfew!"
MONA LISA'S MOTHER
"After all that money your father and I spent
on braces, Mona, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"
HUMPTY DUMPTY'S MOTHER
"Humpty, If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times
not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? Noooo!"
COLUMBUS
"I don't care what you've discovered, Christopher.
You still could have written!"
MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER
"Mike, can't you paint on walls like other children?
Do you have any idea how hard it is
to get that stuff off the ceiling?"
NAPOLEON'S MOTHER
"All right, Napoleon. If you aren't hiding your report card
inside your jacket, then take your hand
out of there and prove it!"
CUSTER'S MOTHER
"Now, George, remember what I told you --
don't go biting off more than you can chew!"
ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER
"Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe?
Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"
BARNEY'S MOTHER
"I realize strained plums are your favorite, Barney,
but you're starting to look a little purple."
BATMAN'S MOTHER
"It's a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize
how much the insurance is going to be?"
GOLDILOCKS' MOTHER
"I've got a bill here for a busted chair from
the Bear family. You know anything about this, Goldie?"
LITTLE MISS MUFFET'S MOTHER
"Well, all I've got to say is if you don't get
off your tuffet and start cleaning your room,
there'll be a lot more spiders around here!"
ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER
"But, Albert, it's your senior picture.
Can't you do something about your hair?
Styling gel, mousse, something...?"
GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER
"The next time I catch you throwing money across
thePotomac , you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"
JONAH'S MOTHER
"That's a nice story, but now tell me
where you've really been for the last three days."
SUPERMAN'S MOTHER
"Clark , your father and I have discussed it, and
we've decided you can have your own telephone line.
Now will you quit spending so much time
in all those phone booths?"
THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER
"Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric
light bulb, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to bed!"
"I don't care where you think you have to go, young man.
Midnight is past your curfew!"
MONA LISA'S MOTHER
"After all that money your father and I spent
on braces, Mona, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"
HUMPTY DUMPTY'S MOTHER
"Humpty, If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times
not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? Noooo!"
"I don't care what you've discovered, Christopher.
You still could have written!"
MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER
"Mike, can't you paint on walls like other children?
Do you have any idea how hard it is
to get that stuff off the ceiling?"
NAPOLEON'S MOTHER
"All right, Napoleon. If you aren't hiding your report card
inside your jacket, then take your hand
out of there and prove it!"
CUSTER'S MOTHER
"Now, George, remember what I told you --
don't go biting off more than you can chew!"
ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER
"Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe?
Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"
BARNEY'S MOTHER
"I realize strained plums are your favorite, Barney,
but you're starting to look a little purple."
BATMAN'S MOTHER
"It's a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize
how much the insurance is going to be?"
GOLDILOCKS' MOTHER
"I've got a bill here for a busted chair from
the Bear family. You know anything about this, Goldie?"
LITTLE MISS MUFFET'S MOTHER
"Well, all I've got to say is if you don't get
off your tuffet and start cleaning your room,
there'll be a lot more spiders around here!"
ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER
"But, Albert, it's your senior picture.
Can't you do something about your hair?
Styling gel, mousse, something...?"
GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER
"The next time I catch you throwing money across
the
JONAH'S MOTHER
"That's a nice story, but now tell me
where you've really been for the last three days."
SUPERMAN'S MOTHER
"
we've decided you can have your own telephone line.
Now will you quit spending so much time
in all those phone booths?"
THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER
"Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric
light bulb, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to bed!"
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A MOTHER’S DICTIONARY
Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.
Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside.
Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster
Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.
Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.
Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.
Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.
Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.
Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.
Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
Two-minute warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
Verbal: Able to whine in words
Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.
Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."
Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside.
Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster
Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.
Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.
Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.
Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.
Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.
Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.
Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
Two-minute warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
Verbal: Able to whine in words
Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.
Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."
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EVOLUTION OF MOM
Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here, some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:
Your Clothes -
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes.
The Baby's Name -
1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
2nd baby: Someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger falls. Bimaldo? Perfect!
Preparing for the Birth -
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.
The Layette -
1st baby: You prewash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
Worries -
1st baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a frown - you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
Activities -
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
Going Out -
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
At Home -
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
Your Clothes -
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes.
The Baby's Name -
1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
2nd baby: Someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger falls. Bimaldo? Perfect!
Preparing for the Birth -
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.
The Layette -
1st baby: You prewash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
Worries -
1st baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a frown - you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
Activities -
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
Going Out -
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
At Home -
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
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TOMMY’S MOMMY
For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.
One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.
The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"
One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.
The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"
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MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME
- My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...
"Just wait until your father gets home." - My Mother taught me about RECEIVING....
"You are going to get it when we get home!" - My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE...
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you! Don't talk back to me!" - My Mother taught me LOGIC...
"If you fall out off that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." - My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE...
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way." - My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD...
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job." - My Mother taught me HUMOR...
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." - My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." - My Mother taught me about GENETICS...
"You're just like your father." - My Mother taught me about my ROOTS...
"Do you think you were born in a barn?" - My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE...
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."
And last but not least... - My Mother taught me about JUSTICE...
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you....Then you'll see what it's like!"
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I CORINTHIANS 13 FOR MOTHERS
If I'm always producing lovely things - sewing, art; if I always look attractive, and speak intelligently, but am not loving to my family -- I am nothing.
If I'm busy in community affairs, teach Sunday School, and drive in the carpool, but fail to give adequate love to my family -- I gain nothing.
Love changes diapers, cleans up messes, and ties shoes - over and over again.
Love is kind, though tired and frazzled.
Love doesn't envy another woman -- one whose children are "spaced" better, or in school so she has time to pursue her own interests.
Love doesn't try to impress others with my abilities or knowledge as as a mother.
Love doesn't scream at the kids.
Love doesn't feel cheated because I didn't get to do what I wanted to do today -- sew, read, soak in a hot tub.
Love doesn't lose my temper easily.
Love doesn't assume that my children are being naughty just because their noise level is irritating.
Love doesn't rejoice when other people's children misbehave and make mine look good.
Love is genuinely happy when others are honored by their children.
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MOTHER'S DICTIONARY OF MEANINGS
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
Full Name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.
Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Independent: How we want our children to be for as long as they do everything we say.
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
Show Off: A child who is more talented than yours.
Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva.
Top Bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
Two-Minute Warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar-grunting noises.
Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.
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CHILD SENT TO BED
A small boy is sent to bed by his mother...
[Five minutes later]
"Mom..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a glass of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
[Five minutes later]
"Mom..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a glass of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
[Five minutes later]
"Mommm..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a glass of water?"
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THOUGHTS & QUOTES
· ~The advice your son rejected is now being given by him to your grandson.
· ~Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life.
· ~Parents often talk about the younger generations as if they didn't have anything to do with it.
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THINGS MOM WOULD NEVER SAY
THINGS MOM WOULD NEVER SAY
· "How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"
· "Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too"
· "Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery"
· "Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week"
· "Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day"
· "Well, if Rahul's mamma says it's OK, that's good enough for me."
· "The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here."
· "I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve"
· "Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve"
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GRANDMA ON THE PLANE
GRANDMA ON THE PLANE
For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grandchildren. She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of the children.
She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation on her grandchildren.
"Oh, I've done all the talking, and I'm so sorry. I know you certainly have something to say. Please, tell me... what do you think of my grandchildren?"
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WE HAVE NEW BABIES
For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.
One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.
The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"
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BEST PLACE FOR SIBLING
When Ayush had a new sister, he became envious of the attention she was getting. One day while his mother was nursing the baby, Ayush was getting unyielding about being on mom's lap. Mom wasn't able to deal with both children at that time and told Ayush to go wait for her. He then asked his mom: "Mommy, can you please put Shreya back in your tummy now?"
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MY TEACHER IS THANKFUL
Son: “Mom, teacher was asking me today, if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school.”
Mom: “That’s nice of her to take such an interest in you. So what did she say when you told her that you’re the only child, my dear?”
Son: “She just said…“Thank goodness!”
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IT'S TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL
One early morning, a lady went in to wake up her son.
"Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
Son: "But why Mom? I don't want to go."
Mom: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
Son: "Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
Mom: "Oh, that's no reason to not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
Son: "Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
Mom: "Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"
Son: "But why Mom? I don't want to go."
Mom: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
Son: "Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
Mom: "Oh, that's no reason to not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
Son: "Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
Mom: "Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"
